Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
