He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
