I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
