Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Randomize