I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
