Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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