I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize