Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
