Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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