Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
