I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize