yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
