I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
