Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
