my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
