Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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