I'd wear matching sweaters with you
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
