Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
