I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
