how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
