marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
