The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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