so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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