he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
