I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
