dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My liver just broke up with me...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
