I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
