I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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