Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
