do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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