So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
