How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
