If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
