i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
