ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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