I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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