It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
