my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think your dad took our porno
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
