Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
