i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's shark week go big or go home
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
