My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
