the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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