Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love having hate sex.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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