Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
