She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
