I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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