I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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