Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
