Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
