You're so nebulous sometimes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
